So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
