East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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