I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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