I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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