its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
