Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
whose parrot is this?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
