ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
