From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It was confusing and full of hummus
you didnt know i had herpes?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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