with your own penis?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
