I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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