3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
