I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
As shirtless as possible
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
