The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
