just tell him i said nine months
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
