You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
