But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
