I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize