Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
