Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
