is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
