Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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