you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
