you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
