I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
