Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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