Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
