How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
