We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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