if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
North Korea, Best Korea!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
