i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize
