there was a trapeze. enough said
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
