It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
