Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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