i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
