You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
