I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
