I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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