I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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