I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
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The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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