they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
