Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Drunk walkin through police station. America
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize