You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
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There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
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turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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