She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
