i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
