i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
