he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The uberlube is also flammable
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i think im in europe. pls send help
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
