My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
