Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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