sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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