He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
