How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
