Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
