i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
