can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
