she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
