do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
