sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
