walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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