She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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