So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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