don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
