once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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