I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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