Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
