matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
