FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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