before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
this hospital has no fireball
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
