Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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