I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
