she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
