I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
