I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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