I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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